Friday, June 22, 2007

My best friend

A couple of days ago, I was trying to talk Belle into washing her mi mi (aka special blankie). She hugged her mi mi very close, and very softly and earnestly said, "I can't mama, she is my very very best friend".

It just made my heart melt, and a I felt a yearning for a life that was more simple, not so complicated, and filled with hardship. (okay my life isn't that bad...I am talking Society in general).

I was so sad watching the news about the floods in Texas, and the woman talking about her four year old daughter being ripped from her arms and drowning. What an utterly helpless feeling she must have had, I cannot imagine. Nothing in this lifetime will ever erase that horrible, gut wrenching moment for her.

Another strange serious thing happened to me the other day when I was driving Spencer to his dad's house. He asked me what I would do if he died. I was a little surprised, but my mind was filled with other thoughts, and just quickly answered that I would be so sad, and that life would never be the same. Then I thought about it for a minute, and I asked him what he would do if I died. ( I am not sure why I even asked this, but I thought maybe he was thinking about that and didn't know how to bring it up). He said, "I would grab the girls, and throw us in after you." I started to cry because it made me so sad. I didn't even know what to say. It made me want to be a better mother, to give him a better life, and to make him feel safer. Then a familiar feeling arose of being helpless, because he spends half his life with his father, and people that I don't know, and don't trust. Like I said, I wish for a simpler time. I wish for simpler problems, and simple happiness. I wish that for you all too....

9 comments:

Janae said...

Dawnae, you guys are having some serious discussions in the car! I think it is good that Spencer does feel he can talk to you about such issues. I think for all children it is scary to think of a parent dieing and really not knowing what they would do. I too wish for more simplicity for you guys...there would be nothing better. Remember you always have to have hope:)

experience courage with Janet said...

I love simple things and really strive to have simpliciyt in my life - don't always succeed, but I try.... Amy Grant has a song called Simple Things that I love - I think you would love it - here are the lyrics....

Simple Things

Wake up baby look around
Birds sing, ooooh that sound
Reminds me of a line
From Unchained Melody

Feel like I'm a little girl
Best thing in the whole wide world
Is I can see the makings of a memory
I remember how it used to be
Well I'm still dreaming...

Cuz I dream of simple things
I can believe in
Like the feeling this day brings
True love and the miracle of forgiving
I believe in simple things

Ain't nothing like a sunny day
Chit-chat at a street cafe
Just paint the picture, baby
Where you wanna be

Take a walk, take a ride
So far, you and I
Don't need a plan
But we can share
This revelry

I remember how I used to want it all
Funny now the big things seem so small

I dream of simple things
I can believe in
Like the feeling this day brings
True love and the miracle of forgiving
I believe in simple things

Through all the days
The blues, the greys
A ray of light keeps shining...

dawnae said...

I do love it Janet, thank you.

experience courage with Janet said...

have you heard her sing it? The lyrics don't do justice!

Stephanie said...

I don't watch the news. I can't see stories like that. I'm clueless and I like it that way! :) It is hard enough to find peace in my heart.

judypdrsn said...

Oh Dawnae, you made me so sad. There was a time when Zac was in the hospital and we almost lost him. I have never erased that feeling, and it can easily come to the surface when I watch something on TV or in the movies when a mother loses a son. I just remember thinking that if he left he would be taking my whole life with him because I wouldn't have him or grandchildren and I would have no purpose. I'll never forget that phone call from his dad that I needed to get to the hospital. I thank God every night that Zac is still here.

But, thank you to good friends like Janet who remind us of the simple things to cheer us up again. I just downloaded that Amy Grant song. We really can chose our reality. And we have to know suffering to know joy and to have empathy and compassion for others. It's just part of our journey here.

Christine said...

Remembering about Josh's favorite blankie, he lost it when he was in the hospital. He took that blankie with him everywhere. When the bed sheets were changed I think it got tooken by accident, but he missed his favorite blankie.

Your son is a very thoughtful and caring young man, I bet you're proud of him. I wish for simpler times too! :)

Rodrigo said...
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LaRae said...

That's cute that Belle calls mi mi her best friend. You do have to deal with a lot more complicated situations than many of us, and I am sorry that is the way it has to be for you & Spencer. As complicated as things are, I am sure there are plain and simple days that occur & those are the days to enjoy! Stock up on as many of those days as you can to help you muddle through those days of complications!